XOJULIAJONES

Here’s something that took me a while to understand: sticking with old patterns takes zero strength. Choosing to change? That takes everything.

When we cling to familiar habits and patterns, even the ones that hurt us (even if we know it’s hurting us), we think we’re maintaining control. But really, we’re just seeking safety through the illusion of control. Our brains are wired to interpret “familiar” as “safe,” so we keep walking the same paths, making the same choices, thinking the same thoughts, having the same reactions- not because they serve us, but because they feel manageable. Predictable. Known.

But that’s not real control. That’s being controlled BY your patterns.

Real control comes when you can look at an automatic pattern and say “that’s not me, that’s just old wiring.” When you can feel that pull toward the familiar choose differently anyway. That’s when you’re actually free.

The thing that helped me most through all of this- whether it was actually quitting vaping or changing my thought language, beliefs about myself- or breaking any pattern/habit- was stripping it down to the truth: it’s genuinely not you. It’s just neural pathways.

Those thoughts that feel SO you, that seem like core parts of your identity? They’re literally just patterns of neurons that have fired together repeatedly. The only reason they feel impossible to change, the only reason they feel like “that’s just who you are,” is because those neural pathways are wired stronger than the alternative. That’s it. That’s literally it. This goes for anything, depression, optimism, confidence, insecurity, early bird, night owl etc. etc. etc.

Your brain has this incredible quality called neuroplasticity- it’s the ability to physically rewire itself throughout your entire life. You’re not stuck with the brain you have. Every thought you think, every choice you make, every new pattern you practice is literally reshaping the physical structure of your brain.

Those deeply wired patterns you have? Maybe picked up from childhood or a traumatic experience. They weren’t always there. You built them through repetition. Which means you can build new ones the same way.

But you HAVE to accept that you need become comfortable with being uncomfortable. You have to be WILLING to identify as someone who chooses freedom over familiarity. Change is different, and is largely uncomfortable. Comfortability presents itself as safety because it’s known. Change your perspective on change and the feeling of being uncomfortable, and your entire life will change for the better- but you have to accept and embrace change. Or else how will you ever experience anything new? The old patterns aren’t you- it’s just wiring. And you GET to choose differently.

Yes, it takes strength. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But here’s the thing about discomfort: it’s just the opposite of comfortable. And you know what happens when you sit in discomfort for a little bit? You become comfortable with it. What once felt impossible becomes your new normal.

The discomfort is temporary. The freedom is permanent.

WE CHOOSE OUR OWN SUFFERING

And here’s the hard truth that nobody wants to hear: especially once you understand the biological, scientific working of your habits and your shortcomings and what you don’t like about yourself, it gets to a point where it IS a choice.

You are choosing your suffering. You’re choosing to be comfortable. You’re choosing the illusion of control for the sake of familiability, even though you know it doesn’t actually serve you or honor who you actually want to be. It doesn’t align with the things you want to do, or how you want to think, or the kind of person you want to become.

That sounds harsh, but it’s also empowering. Because if it’s a choice, that means you can choose differently.

Again- it takes serious (committed, unwavering) strength to withstand unwiring neurons. Sometimes it’s hard. But it’s so doable. It’s so possible. You just gotta keep going. That’s it. That’s literally it.

And I get it. I really do. A lot of things are difficult. A lot of things are hard. A lot of things are habit and feel like they are your identity, and the void of not doing something is scary. I’ve been there. I’m still there with certain things. This is a constant game of unwiring who I’m not and rewiring who I want to be.

There are still things that are so deep in my wiring that they’re just automatic. Sometimes even when I’m aware they’re happening, I give into them because they’re so strong, so automatic. I’m not perfect. I’m not “healed” or “fixed” or whatever.

But you know what? There are so many habits and patterns and choices that I’ve freed myself from. So many things that used to control me that I’ve actively unwired because they weren’t aligned with who I truly am- I will not waste this one life as a mindless robot to my patterns and suffering. I will use every day, every moment to be the most fulfilled and truly content version of myself. And I am immensely proud of myself for that.

And here’s what I’ve learned: it gets easier. Starting with things here and there, they compound and build up. Each pattern you break makes you realize you’re capable of breaking the next one. Each new pathway you build makes your brain more adaptable, more ready to build the next one.

This is kind of the cheat code: you just gotta be willing to be uncomfortable.

Now, in some areas that’s easier said than done. Some aspects of life make it easy to sit in discomfort. Other aspects feel impossible. That’s your own personal journey. That’s our own personal journey.

HOW TO ACTUALLY REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

So how do you break free? How do you build new patterns when the old ones are so deeply wired?

The answer is simple but not easy: you have to keep catching yourself and redirecting.

Every single time that old thought pops up- and it will, repeatedly, loudly- you acknowledge it, without judgement, and then you consciously choose the new thought. You don’t shame yourself for having the old pattern. You just recognize it (“oh there’s that old pathway trying to fire”) and then activate the new one instead.

And here’s the thing: you’re gonna feel crazy. Like genuinely insane. Every single time you try to do the good thing, the thing you’re trying to replace is going to make itself known. It’s going to say something. It’s going to be LOUD.

And you just gotta acknowledge it and accept it as part of the process. Just be like “yup, it’s there. I don’t want it to be there. I’m tired of feeling it. But it’s there.” It doesn’t have to mean anything though. It doesn’t have to mean that “this is just me” or that even if you try there’s no point- unless you make it mean that. You just gotta dilute it down to what it actually is: part of the process. Neurons trying to stay alive. That’s it.

At first, this feels exhausting. The old pattern is a massive highway and the new one is barely a dirt path. Your brain will default to the highway because it’s easier. But every single time you choose the new path, you’re:

1. Strengthening the new neural conenction
2. Weakening the old ones from lack of use

This is neuroplasticity in action- your brain’s ability to literally rewire itself based on your repeated thoughts and actions.

It’s like what I learned from quitting vaping: you just have to keep going. Keep choosing not to vape (or in this case, keep choosing the new thought pattern). It feels hard at first. The cravings (or old thoughts) feel overwhelming. But if you keep at it, eventually the new pattern becomes automatic and the old one fades away.

The forest path you used to walk? It gets overgrown. The wind, rain and time erase it naturally because you’re not maintaining it anymore. Meanwhile, your new path becomes clearer and clearer until one day you don’t even think about it- you just automatically walk the new path.

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU

Observe yourself. Turn your awareness all the way up. Notice automatic reactions and thoughts. Triggers and what they trigger in your mind. Shine light on your shadows. If it doesn’t serve you, don’t beat yourself up. Just acknowledge it, and then consciously choose a better thought. Do it again the next time. And the next. And the next.

The old pathway pattern will get loud. It’ll try to pull you back. That’s normal. That’s just neurons fighting to stay relevant- these days I actually find it funny when the old pattern I’m replacing tries to pull me back in. It reminds me that I’m about to be free from it and experience better. Let them scream, acknowledge them, and then continue walking your new path anyways.

Eventually- and I promise you this from experience- the new way becomes automatic. And you’ll look back and realize you literally rewired your brain.

How insane is that?

FINAL THOUGHTS

To everyone reading this: I believe in you. I believe in your ability to set yourself free. I believe in your ability to be who you really want to be. I believe in your ability to create your own reality, to love life, to make life better, to love others truly and receive love in return. I believe in the best version of you, and I believe in the version of you right now that wants to be better.

I know it’s possible from experience.

And you know what? That’s kind of the faith part. You just gotta have faith that giving up the illusion of control is actually the ultimate control, and it will truly set you free. You gotta believe that walking the new path will actually you to a place you want to go. And you gotta stop walking the old path just because you know where it leads.

It takes courage. It takes strength. It takes faith.

But you have all of that inside you already. You just have to choose to use it.

XOXO, love you all.